I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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