If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
