M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
