you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
