I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up under a house in Key West
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
