once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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