how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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