i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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