after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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