the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
