so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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