I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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