if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
