I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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