I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
