Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
