apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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