This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
