don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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