I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
