Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
