I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
