I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
