Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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