Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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