So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
