waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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