but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
