if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
