I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
