I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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