You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
