I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
