She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
