Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
