Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
