Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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