bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
