Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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