she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want a musical about memes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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