I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
