I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
