god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
