just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
