Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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