I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
