Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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