it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
