Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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