if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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