I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
