I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
