he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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