Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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