is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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